Tuesday, August 11, 2009
During my adventure to the Teen Choice Awards, I learned 10 things.
1. Robert Pattinson is hilarious. (technically, I already knew that, but I was proven correct)
2. Nothing impresses Kristen Stewart (except for Robert Pattinson)
3. Taylor Lautner is bigger and has whiter teeth in person.
4. Nikki Reed loves Ellen Degeneres
5. Kellan Lutz is so huge that it's almost scary
6. The entire Twilight cast is even better looking in person
7. Zac Efron is uglier in person (although I didn't find him attractive in the first place)
8. Kevin Jonas has a phone addiction
9. Joe Jonas is a pouter with the breakup blues
10. Nick Jonas is a social butterfly
*BONUS* 11. Catherine Hardwicke cannot keep her hands to herself (when it comes to Robert Pattinson)
At the 2009 Teen Choice Awards, I signed up to be a seat filler. If you don't know what that is, it basically means that you are untalented and the seat filler organizers will do anything in their power to make you feel ugly and worthless. Although, the technical definition of a seat filler is someone who takes the seat of a celebrity and/or audience member when they get up to pee or present an award. It was quite an eventful day.
I arrived at Universal City at apporximately 1:05 pm, while the check-in time was 2:00 pm. Despite my early arrival, there were already a ton of people there. We were all herded like cattle in single file lines. The worst part is that the people in charge pick out the prettiest people to be selected to stand closer to the stage or get in the mosh pit. Sadly, I was not chosen to participate in either of these activities. I was not pretty enough nor dressed appropriately. Of course, the head honchos wouldn't tell us this. No, their explanation was "We're looking for 'certain girls' that look a 'certain way.'" In other words: "You're ugly and we don't really want to see your ugly mask on camera." Trust me, I'm not bitter. We were not allowed to brings cell phones into the theater. My friend Baeli and I found this to be rather difficult, seeing as without our phones, we had no way of contacting her mother after the show. Nevertheless, we gladly gave up our phones that would surely ruin the lives of all of the celebrities inside.
After we were then directed to Gibson Amphitheater, which was a lot bigger than I had imagined. I would later learn that there would be 10,000 people attending the Awards. When we entered, Baeli and I were seated in the second row in a section not far from the stage. To our great delight, we saw our hosts, the Jonas Brothers, rehearsing on stage. Baeli and I squealed with excitement, pointing at the Bros and trying to keep our voices down. Kevin was sporting a grey sweater, Joe was wearing a plaid button-up over a pink shirt (if he's trying to send us a message about his sexuality, we're hearing it loud and clear!), while Nick looked dapper in a nice jacket with a white shirt underneath. The Bros were asked to get off of the stage so that the Black Eyes Peas could rehearse their hit "I Got a Feeling." They Bros took their seats in a section far from mine while the Peas descended from the ceiling on silver surfboards and began to sing. Not being that into hip-hop myself, I watched the Jonases instead. Brother Nick made his way around to members of the crew, staring up conversations and being pleasant. Brother Kevin (I'm making them sound like nuns, which I suppose suits their virgin selves) chattered away happily on his phone. Last brother, Joe, sat lazily in one of the seats all by himself with his legs up on the chair in front of him, texting someone. He was pouting too--he clearly has the breakup blues from his recent split from Camilla Belle.
After the Peas finished their song, five rows (ours included) were asked to follow a man in a salmon-colored shirt to the other side of the amphitheater, where the Jonas Bros were located, I might add. Baeli and I tried to keep our cool as we walked towards our favorite boy band. I could barely keep my squeals to myself (sorry, Twilight fans, I promise to get to Rob and Kristen soon!). We ended up sitting about seven or eight rows behind the Brothers, next to a small moving stage about 25 square feet with three disco balls, a piano, and the JB logo painted on a wall attached. We could only assume that they would ride it during the show. We kept watching their every move until it was time for them to rehearse their hit "World War III." I must say, other than Joe's hot pink shirt (and I don't mean "hot" as in "he looked hot in it"), the performance was great. The props on stage included cannons and a brick wall with the JB logo painted on it.
The Bros left to have lunch as everyone started to set things up. The show was going to start in about an hour. Baeli and I were moved to the front row, which we knew perfectly well we weren't going to be staying at. Pink and orange couches for the celebs were placed close to the stage. All I could think about was "Where are Rob and Kristen sitting???" Finally, people started filing in. Disney stars were the first to arrive, along with untalented audience members. That was the saddest thing about this whole experience. The seat filler people in charge kept calling the celebs "the talent." As if no one that is a seat filler is talented! It's like they're saying, "You are worthless and untalented and you're lucky just to be here because you do not belong!" Anyways, a JONAS star, Chelsea Staub, was the first person I recognized. Jake T. Austin, a star from the Disney Channel show Wizards of Waverly Place sat about three seats from me. He is a very tiny little man, but better looking in person.
We moved again, this time the seat filler people told us "You are going to be in a welcome line. As the talent walks down the stairs, you are going to greet them and clap for them." Naturally, we were stoked, thinking "Ohmigod! I might get to greet a Twilight star!" Little did we know that this whole "welcome line" crap was all a sham to get us out of the way so that people could sit down. No star came down those stairs (sorry, I guess I should say "No talent came down those stairs") for us to welcome. Audience members continued to pile in. I knew if I wanted to get the first glance of a Twilight star, all I had to do was look for a group of bodyguards and listen for a whole lot of screaming. Stars that are not really worth mentioning started to pile in. Some people from The Secret Life of the American Teenager got a few screams, giving me false hope (is that even a good show?).
Screams started to rumble. People started hurrying to the front of the stage. Twilight stars had arrived! Kellan, Nikki, Jackson, Ashley, and Kristen entered looking absolutely fabulous. Catherine Hardwicke followed in after them. Kellan is a huge man--you could spot him from a mile away! I wouldn't want to piss him off! He looked great in his blue vest, shirt, and tie. The shirt was just tight enough to make you want to walk over and chew on his arm. Nikki was gorgeous in a short, summery, off-the-shoulder dress and her hair was up in a pretty bun thing. Jackson's hair was long and curly, just past his ears. He wore an outfit similar to Kellan's and he wore glasses on his face that wouldn't have looked good on anyone else in the world. Ashley was cute in a pretty black and white dress with her hair up nicely and really red lipstick painted on her lips (which looked absolutely great when she pouts!). Kristen had her Joan Jett mullet pulled back in a ponytail and wore an outfit that included a white top with a black vest and a sparkly skirt. Catherine wore a pain black dress and I must admit she is prettier in person. I may be wrong about the colors, for the lighting was making everyone's outfits look off.
So, where were Rob and Taylor? That was the question. All of the girls around us were asking each other the same thing over and over. More stars arrived. The Twilight stars talked amongst themselves, probably chatting about the pre-production of Eclipse. Catherine and Kristen mostly talked to each other about God know what. Another thunder of screams was heard. My eyes darted this way and that. Sure enough, a huge group of bodyguards surrounded one male star. "It's Rob," I confessed. "It has to be." The star wore a button-up blue shirt that was definitely something Rob would wear, but what convinced me more than anything was the way his hair stuck up in the front all messy-like. However, I was wrong. It. Was. Zac. Efron. Impostor! Biter! Copy cat! Poser! These words popped into my mind. I swear to you all, it looked exactly like Rob. My fury was uncontainable. He seated himself next to slutty Vanessa Hudgens, his girlfriend, on an orange couch. In all of the hubbub, I hadn't noticed that Taylor had arrived. He wore a white shirt under a grey vest with a matching tie. Believe me, the boy is huge. So huge, in fact, that it is almost unfair. All I could think about was the six pack under those clothes. Honestly, was there anything else for my mind to ponder?
This is when we seat fillers were starting to be treated as cattle once again. We were shoved into a corner of the amphitheater, where we were told to stay. We were told to cheer for the Jonas Brothers as they arrived (like I need to be told to scream for the Jonases! Psh!) But the show was about to start! Where was Rob??? Nowhere to be found. The lights went dark. The screens turned on. The Jonas Brothers entered. When I went to their concert last year, I was in the second-to-last row. Now, there they were--ten feet away from me. Needless to say, I screamed like a little girl. Which I guess I am, since I'm only 16. The Bros played their song "Much Better" and the mobile stage moved through the aisles. To my surprise, Nikki Reed was mouthing the words! Do I sense a Jonas fan? Yes I do!
When the show officially started, jokes were thrown and stars and fans laughed. Well, except Kristen Stewart. Throughout the entire show, Kristen did not laugh at any jokes made by any stars. Nothing impresses her. Some of my respect from Nikki Reed was returned when she absolutely burst into laughter at every joke Ellen Degeneres made when she accepted her award for Best Twit. Nikki laughed at everything Ellen said. Perhaps she isn't the b*tch a lot of people think she is, huh? About twenty to thirty minutes into the show, Kristen left with her and Catherine. I assumed it was to prepare for an award they were going to present. However, about ten minutes later, Catherine and Nikki returned, but Kristen was missing in action. Where was Kris??? I wouldn't see her again for another half an hour. Meanwhile, I continued to stare at the remaining Twilight stars, who were all equally engrossed in the Awards. Taylor won for Best Fresh New Male Face and Ashley won for Best Fresh New Female Face. They thanked us fans, of course. Great people.
At a commercial break, it was announced that Miley Cyrus would be performing during the next act. Gag me. I rolled my eyes and moved to an empty seat, as directed by the seat filler people. The loudest screams I ever heard bellowed like a burp from the belly of a ferocious beast. I turned my attention to the other side of the amphitheater where Kristen was returning with Rob right behind her. Suspicious, don't you think? Maybe it's my hope that Robsten exists, but I find it rather odd that Kris left and came back with Rob in tow. Perhaps she went to see him when he showed up? We will never know. To those of you who have never seen Rob in person, I recommend that you don't if you have any heart problems, for mine stopped completely. He is absolutely gorgeous in person. Don't get me wrong, the entire Twilight cast looks 100 times better in person, but Rob stood out. He looked ridiculously handsome in his dark red shirt and grey jacket with army greenish pants and black sneakers. At least, thats what the colors looked like in the lighting, as I said before.
Taylor took his place in the middle of one of the couches as Rob sat on one side of him and Kristen sat on the other. Of course, Twilight fans know that this is not a coincidence. Rob and Kris know that if they sit next to each other, people will think they are sleeping together. I'm still unsure if they are together or not, but I'm more on the "yes" side, as of last night. Catherine wouldn't keep her hands off of Rob! She always had a hand on him! Either on his chest of his arm or his leg! Ew! Rob would not stop talking! The guy wouldn't shut up! The only reason I know this is because I was watching him instead of the show. It sounds creepy, but I don't care. He kept talking and talking and talking! Not only that, he was making jokes! Kristen and Taylor were cracking up at things he said. He laughed with them and, let me tell you, the world becomes a better place every time that man smiles. Kristen's first smiles that night were because of Rob--I'm just saying! *wink* *wink* Yeah, I know "they're just good friends." Blah blah frickin' blah.
When Miley Cyrus came out on stage dressed like the whore that she is, Rob pointed at her and whispered something to Catherine Hardwicke. I'm guessing it was something like, "She is a smelly pirate hooker. Why doesn't she go back to her home on whore island?" Just a guess. Anyways, when he got his award for Male Hottie, I have no idea what he said. I will have to watch tonight, like all of you. There were too many screams for me to be able to hear. However, what I will tell you, is something completely hilarious. When he returned to his couch, Taylor was still in the middle and Kristen was on one side. Rob told Taylor to move so her could sit next to Kristen. He let out a joking, "Move!" and motioned for Taylor to get out of the way. Taylor laughed and obeyed like the sexy dog that he is. (Just kidding, ladies.) It was quite funny. Maybe you had to be there.
During the duration of the Awards, Rob made every sexy face that all of us admirers know and love. At only one point during the show did I catch him look my way, interrupting my staring fest. He quickly averted my gaze. That man has quite a stare. A sexy stare. A stare that could make a woman melt into a puddle. I'll just stop there before this turns into a dirty novel. When Twilight accepted its eleven awards, Rob was the one to hold the surfboard--between his legs! Make sure you check for that when you watch tonight. It is quite hilarious. I didn't get to hear what he or Taylor said, so I'll have to wait for that tonight too. Rob looked at Kellan like he wanted him to say something, but Kellan declined, to my sheer dismay. The Twilight stars walked offstage to never be seen by me again. It was amazing while it lasted!
May I just add that Nick Jonas waved at me after they closed with "World War III?" He did. I just wanted to point that out.
I hope this blog didn't bore you too much. I know I probably forgot some things, but if I forget, I'll add them on Twitter. You'll find me as @twijonas3. Thank you for reading.